Where will I Sleep tonight?

February 11, 2021 / Nicalady / 2 Comments

I arrived in Texas four days ago from a three month solo minivan journey to the Tampa, Florida area and back. I avoided Interstates much as possible. Out of 3000 miles traveled, only 300 were on freeways. The rest was on two lane highways or local roads. I traveled through parts of Texas, Louisiana, Alabama, Panhandle of Florida, Central Florida, SW Florida, and Mississippi.

This is where Kal and I spent New Year’s Weekend. I camped right next to the swamp!

Each night I had to face the challenge of Where will I sleep tonight? Every single night! I could not ignore nor put it off. Every day it got dark and every evening I needed to stop and sleep. This was one of the biggest challenges of this journey. I learned the hard way to plan ahead and even make reservations, from a hotel room to a camp-spot on the Overlander app.

This is me at the great Mississippi River

I had along with me one thing that was even worse than having little money. I hated it. This was my irrational fears of someone hurting me, somehow. I have traveled alone extensively, hiked alone in Nicaragua and many trails in the states, yet this fear has robbed me of In the Moment Joy too many times.

My trusty protector and companion Kaladin has gone a long way to help me fight the fear, but it still hung on.

I slept in Truck Stops, which intimidated me incredibly at first. By the time I was returning to Texas, I was missing their safety and facilities. With black out curtains and the great reflecix for my windows for privacy, I could snuggle in my bed and be unseen!

I always parked on the ‘car side’ of the truck stop. One night a Big rig parked next to me and the idling engine lulled me to sleep.

I camped in the woods alone with my dog. Talk about messing with my head!! This was a marathon mind fight. But I improved. I asked myself, ‘what can I do about it? what action can I take to lessen my vulnerability? I bought a safety whistle, I bought pepper spray and I planned what I would do. (blow the van horn like a crazy lady).

Paul Johnson State Park, Hattieburg, Mississippi
Their primitive sites are truly that – no water, no electricity, no bathrooms. Just me, Kaladin and nature.

Many times in the past I have tried to win over my fears by refusing to entertain them or mentally rebuking the thoughts. These processes helped in the moment, but were often exhausting and only a temporary fix. The fears came back. When I decided on a plan and took actions, I finally slept like a baby.

And Here We Are. Maybe you also deal with irrational fears messing with your thinking and your mindset. It is easy for the Covid19 Virus and all it surrounds and all that surrounds it,to bring out the fears because it is such an unsolved unknown. I can testify that fighting our fears by trying to simply silence them does not work long-term. We need to be able to offer ourselves possible solutions.

One my recent journey, I learned a great method for stopping those damaging thoughts. I practiced Being In The Moment. Just stopping and noting what is around me, the sounds, the smells, the colors. I am alive in this moment. Outside, I lift my face to the wind and the sky. I am alive in this moment. Deep breaths. I also leaned on my Spotify music – I have 100 playlists! I learned to take out my anxieties by dancing, just letting loose, just being in the moment with myself. And I have learned over the years to just Sit is also good. And maybe most of all, I acknowledged that I am not in control of my life and I have never been. I will exercise my Faith. It is strong and has saved me many many times.

This too shall pass. We are a part of world-changing history. Out of writing this post, I have reminded myself to Let Go, I am not in control anyway. Dance, sing, laugh, reach out, be productive and keep the faith!!

3000 miles and there were kind people everywhere. If they were not outright kind, they were courteous and respectful. We Are All Here, TOGETHER. We are Human. We can do this too.

showing my true self, hopefully to encourage you

cheri – Nomad with a Cause

I Write or I Starve

FAMILY

September 19, 2018 / Nicalady / 2 Comments

Presenting my children

I made it to San Jose, Costa Rica with a few good stories to add to my collection. Those are coming up in the next posts. But I think the most important post that I can write is about my family, specifically my ten children and their families (being I just left the states where I was with many of them). I truly without a doubt could not do what I do without their support and patience and love and acceptance. I travel between Nicaragua and the states for my job and for my life. I do not mind when one of my children move because then I can get to know a new place! I have children in Nicaragua, Denver, San Antonio, and Austin. Also great siblings in Florida and Michigan. I can travel to my heart’s content! I borrowed and kept for my own a saying years ago: “I get by with a little help from my friends.” because my family ARE my best friends.

Almost everyone is here

I have lived for the last couple of years without a home and without a vehicle (due to the desire to be able to follow my heart). And without burdening anyone too much. How do I do that? Family. I stay at each home for just enough time to love on them and their kids and visit and catch up and then I am gone. It is me who keeps the clock running, not them. I have this thing that I never want to be a burden to anyone. They offer to lend me their vehicles and drop me off at the airports.(I am believing for a van next). Most of all, they love me just as I am. They listen, they engage, they speak the truth in love and give solid advice. I love my family.

Surrounded by almost all my grandchildren

Please note this. I am a single mom (for the last many years) with ten children and soon to be nine grandchildren and I DO NOT REGRET any of it! We may have been kinda poor when they were growing up, they just might have worn many hand-me-downs. But did we go on adventures!! Anything I wanted to do, I just took them along. You CAN raise a big family without lots of money. I repeat YOU CAN RAISE A BIG FAMILY WITHOUT LOTS OF MONEY.

So, here is advice from a woman who has already lived a full life. The best thing you can give is your love. Look what I am reaping! And believe me, I dragged them to maybe too many places and worked too hard helping others outside the family. But it is okay.

Love covers all.

Here I Come, Mi Nicaraguita

September 12, 2018September 14, 2018 / Nicalady / Leave a comment

I left my precious home in Nicaragua in early May of this year. I already had my plane ticket when the political Troubles hit in April. It was hard to leave, not knowing what would happen, but I was convinced that the best thing I can do for the people whom I serve is Do My Part – which always has been helping them have a better quality of life. It took many hours of prayer, thought and discussion to decide and feel peace about What My Part Is Now. I will be successful in raising awareness and funds in the States as I plan to travel and connect with like-minded people. I am believing for a Van Home in early 2019.

Pregnant me and my children – Van Life in 1992

Next Monday I am getting on a plane and going home to Nicaragua for a month. My daughter Sarah is married to a wonderful Nicaraguan man and their due date for the birth of their 3rd son is October 6th. I have been blessed to be at every birth of my daughters

Missions of Grace Ultrasound Program

I have a very exciting appointment for our Missions of Grace Ultrasound Project on my first stop in San Jose, Costa Rica. I plan to stay a night or two and then take a public bus to Nicaragua. I will be posting some stories for you!)

I love to meet new friends while riding the bus

I am going on this trip with hands empty but my heart full of love and concern. Our support has dropped off the last couple months, but God knows and will supply what is needed.

Keep me and the precious people of Nicaragua in your thoughts and prayers!

Talk soon!

Cheri

I love cooking on an outside stove

NICARAGUA DISASTER RELIEF Hurricane Nate 2017

November 13, 2017July 4, 2022 / Nicalady / Leave a comment

These precious boys lost the walls of their home

This morning my heart is so very heavy and to be honest, a bit scared. The what ifs are screaming – I hate what-ifs. What if we cannot help everyone? What if we fail?

This is always where I have no choice but to reach down deep in my soul and grab hold of my faith that we are not alone, that there are resources and caring people out there. Hurricane Nate caused massive flooding in our communities in Tola, Nicaragua a month ago. So many affected families!! I woke this morning with my neck in knots and my stomach also. But I also was grateful that I know a remedy – it just takes some effort and taking a bit of time alone. I grabbed my yoga mat and my Bluetooth speaker and headed out to the sun. I first chose music that pulled and tugged at the pain in my heart – that made it come to the surface and also caused the tears to flow. I bent and bowed and reached to the sky. I cried loud, from my gut. Nobody was around – I could do this without inhibitions. It hurt but my heart was thankful that I acknowledged the pain, that I unburied it. Strangely, it felt right.

Then I chose a song called “It is going to be worth it all”. I sang it loud. Then the old one “It is well with my soul”. Some Yanni, a bit of Cello with the Piano Guys. 30 minutes later, I paused. I laid down. I rested. My heart rested and was grateful. This feat of helping so many is not up to me. It is even not up to all the amazing volunteers who are giving of themselves. We are the hands and the feet, even more than that, we are Love, we are Hope. WE SEE YOU. Someone cares. We are in this together.

Valentina was very thrilled with her gifts. #Ilovedonors

Today I am moving my suitcases out of the comfortable, warm loving home of my daughter and going into the pueblo. I will enjoy the many meals of Gallo Pinto (rice and beans) with my pueblo friends, I might fight off some monster mosquitos, I might not sleep with A/C, but I will be there. I will see and hug and cry and Know. I am honored to be an expat here because I have access to resources that my pueblo friends do not. I have access to the internet and caring people flung across many places. I am not alone. We are not alone.

It seems so strange to me but it is true, that when I allow my heart to hurt, I become more resolved and stronger for the fight. Some families have lost their entire homes but even more have lost walls, as the photo above. The Wells are contaminated and no clean drinking water. I will share in next posts encouraging stories of all the hearts and hands that are helping and also stories as I visit the people and take photos and interviews. Come along with me on this journey!

KILLING THE WHAT IFS

November 22, 2015November 22, 2015 / Nicalady / Leave a comment

Around the table in Masatepe, Nicargua (Most of my children)

I was not afraid of moving my large family to a foreign country (Nicaragua) with no money and not even able to speak the language.

6 days and many buses to travel to Texas from Nicaragua

I was not afraid to take my 9 children by myself to Texas, traveling by public buses and crossing 5 countries.

I remember when my kids were small and we were living in Texas, I was a homeschooling mom. I discovered this great hands-on curriculum called Konos. I was so excited and I talked about it to all my friends. This was going to make such a difference. And then it sat and it sat. Months went by. What the heck! I was intimidated. I had no idea how to really use it, nor even how to begin. I think the big issue was one of those Stupid What ifs. Do you ever entertain those in your mind?? What if I fail? What if it doesn’t work? What if it proves to be a waste of time….WHO CARES!!

Flash forward hmmm say 20 years. I want to be a writer. I have it all figured out in my head. For years people have said to me, ‘you should be a writer’. I would answer them, ‘not yet, I don’t have time. But later…’ And now is the time. But I have a few ‘KONOS’ in my life. Like this blog – should I only write personal stuff? Should it just be about my travels? Maybe my family life? But what about Missions of Grace (MOG) and the amazing projects I am involved in? But can I mix the two? UGHHH WHO CARES?

I got to ride in a military Chinook to take disaster relief aid to remote Nicaragua

Did I fight fear of success or failure when I was invited to ride in the jump seat and deliver Hurricane Mitch relief supplies to the Rio Coco area of Nicaragua?? NO WAY! I jumped in without hesitation. It was amazing!

The other KONOS in my life is the ‘marketing’ or ‘public relations’ or ‘relationship building’ for MOG. I see it in my mind – I know I want it to be build on relationships. Amanda Palmer’s book “The Art of Asking” was such an inspiration to me. BUT, what if people don’t respond? What if people don’t take the time to even read my letters” What if I fail. ohhhh, there it is. What if I fail…

Javier Baldovinos and Great dog Shaka

What about you? Do you fight those awful ‘What ifs’ in your mind? Do you ever fret about success vs failure?

How about if we encourage each other??

JUST GET IN THE WATER!!

Have a great day!

TOUCHING THE SKY – LEAPING OVER FIRE

November 7, 2015 / Nicalady / 1 Comment

It is not often that I feel like I might actually be able to reach high enough to touch the sky, or jump carefully enough to not get burned over the fire. So when this does come, I say, GRAB IT, EMBRACE IT and RUN WITH IT!!

I have been traveling and sleeping on couches, floors and foreign beds for 2 1/2 months now. I have a dream, I have a vision, but my heart has a limp, therefore chasing my passions bring on pain, discomfort and in-my-face struggles. Today, I am in my beloved Nicaragua and yes, today, my fingers are close to those clouds and my feet are not burned, just very hot.

Please let me encourage you to keep on, follow your passions. So what if it requires sacrifice and loneliness and the same clothes forever and hand me down things. Life is so much more than the normal – Live! Jump! Reach! Take Risks.

Each human being must keep alight within him the sacred flame of madness.

And must behave like a normal person. Paulo Coehlo

THE BIRDS AND THE BEES, WHY NOT ME?

May 23, 2015 / Nicalady / 1 Comment

My wonderful children

I am moving in eight days, again. When I had all my kids at home (all ten of them) they used to love to shock people by telling them we have moved 19 times over the years. Am I military? you might ask. No, not at all. Then why would I move so many times, especially with such a large family. Good question and one that is too complex for me to delve into today, maybe I do not even understand totally.

But all that moving certainly did produce well-rounded people, with not much need for the security that comes with a ‘permanent home’ (is that maybe a bit of an illusion, anyway?). One of my comments used to be that I wanted my children to have their security inside of them, not in external circumstances. most of my kids are in their own homes. My youngest is at the stage that he has one foot in and the rest out, sort to speak.

I have a dream that I have been chasing for many years – building up a non-profit to help empower people who are helping others. Needless to say, this has created a lifestyle for me that is not too security-based. I am now 60 and I continue to believe and give and live for my passion, for my dream. I have to be out of my apartment in eight days and just found a place to sub-let yesterday. I act like I eat stress for every meal and enjoy the flavor, but lots of times my insides churn and I fight that enemy, anxiety.

BUT, I have been living like this for 40 years now (40 years!) and it appears that the older I get and the more my kids are independent, the more I feel driven to shed my ‘stuff’ and be free to keep trying to fly. One of the biggest struggles has been always, over the years, finances. Even freedom costs money. The lack thereof and the pressure produced by that lack tends to produce anxiety. Sometimes big, bad, ugly anxiety. How do I deal with this damaging enemy of mine?? I have faith in a higher being than myself. I believe in God and that He is directing and guiding my life.

I have this impression these days, and I might be wrong, that it might be more accepted for me to make known that I am gay (though I am not) than for me to announce that I believe in God and that I hear His voice and that I try to follow Him with a passion. My struggle with beginning to blog was this: do I hide my faith in the closet? I want to be accepted, I want to build my readership, I want people to read my words and I long to encourage people. So, do I hide the very thing that sustains me? I do not attend church but my faith and my belief that I am following divine direction keeps me a bit saner as I push through the brambles and thorns of life, to see people set free.

As I stated in the beginning, I am moving. And it is all very precarious at this point. I developed a migraine headache yesterday. A bad one – I thought, uh-oh, I know these signs, that stupid stress monster is rearing its ugly head and making me sick. I cannot sleep. So this morning, I turned to my Bible. I stopped. I got on my yoga mat. I stopped. I got quiet. I tuned in to something in me, yet so much bigger than me. I was led to John 14:1. “Let your heart not be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me.” Then I opened a very old devotional book I had on my shelf – have not opened it for a long time. Opened to this: “do not worry about your life, what you shall eat, or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you will put on…” Matt. 6:25. For years and years and years, when I find myself out on a ledge once again – needing to jump and needing to believe that ‘He’ will catch me, I always have to come back to this same question. ‘Is my God real? Or am I crazy?’ And time after time after time after time, He has proved to me, He is real (and yes, I am a bit crazy).

So, here is my story, here is my song. The real one. The continuing saga of a simple woman, with ten kids and now 8 grandchildren, still determined that my God is real and that He cares for us and that we really can make a difference.

I Write Or I Starve

My Journey of Vulnerablity

Peace vs Anxiety